when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
