I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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