Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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