I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
