the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
handjob tips. give me some.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
