Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
