Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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