The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You pole danced in your parka.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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