We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
