I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
