I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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