OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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