Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I FOUND THE LEGS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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