Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My vagina is officially offended.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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