Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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