she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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