She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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