apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
nutella sex= disaster
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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