Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
