taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
