I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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