You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Congratulations! We have a period
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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