idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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