cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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