he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm both gender and math confused
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
