you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
