Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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