I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
