sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
