We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize