I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
