He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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