We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
