I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
