he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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