we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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