Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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