ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
