Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize