if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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