Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
