He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
