cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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