Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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