I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize