Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
