How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
