and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
