i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
