Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
