my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
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I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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