i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You are a genius and a whore.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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