I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
