You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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