so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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