I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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