Just fell off a train. Bad.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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