Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
