awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize