we're blogging at a bar
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I would ride that face into the sunset
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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