That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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