You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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