NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
