she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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