I smell stomach acid.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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