I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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