My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
