So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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