i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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